How Vaati Attempted to Steal Christmas
by bleachUlquiGrimm
Summary: Grinch Parody but written in my own style including rhymes. Enjoy and Happy Holidays!


**MERRY CHRISTMAS EVE! HAPPY HOLIDAYS! WHATEVER! HOPE YOU HAVE A GOOD CHRISTMAS AND GET EVERYTHING YOU WANT/NEED.**

* * *

How Vaati Attempted to Steal Christmas

There was a town of Hyrule that so loved Christmas day,

Children loved it more than the last school day in May.

It was there the wondrous time of year; dear Santy Claus would bring them toys and cheer.

Link in particular loved the holiday.

It was better than St. Patrick's and Halloween, for Link had been good all year long and had not one record of being mean.

He was a nice Hero of Time and thought he deserved, if not Zelda's love, than a shiny, brand new sword. Link knew Santa would come through, he gave him his word.

Now Link was happy, egregious, and glad but elsewhere in the world, someone felt very, very bad.

Afloat in the sky, on top of a cloud, somebody was complaining quite loud.

The someone was Vaati, a Wing Mage, pacing angrily in his main hall.

"I hate this holiday Christmas! Blast it all!" He said. "I just wish somebody would put it to bed!"

His companion Dark looked from the corner of his eye. "Why not you dumb guy?"

Vaati's face heated. Such rudeness to behold, in his own house no less.

"You beast! You fool! You…ingenious pest. Your plan has promise. Your plan has finesse"

Vaati rubbed his hands together with glee. Dark was curious as to what the evil plan could be. Vaati looked out the window through a telescope to the town below. The first thing he saw was the Great Tree that brought joy to Hylians and Link, his foe.

Well, they could forget about joy because they were in for a show. A Christmas bonanza, a Christmas blast! Hyrule will be the town that Santa passed!

Again, Vaati cackled as Dark sucked on his candy. Vaati was laughing quite loud, the plan must be dandy.

Having finished his laughter, the sorcerer paced. Everything about this plan must be perfectly placed.

Dark watched his companion with red eyes aglow for the plan Vaati had he wanted to know.

The Wind Mage grabbed Dark and pointed to the sky,

"I'll ruin Christmas tonight when the moon is high! I'll steal their Christmas and watch them cry!"

"And how will you do that Mr. Mastermind? You have purple clothes, not very hard to find."

Vaati knew Dark was right. He needed an idea, one that bright!

Then something red and jolly entered his sight. An evil smile stretched the Wind Mage's jaws for, "I'll complete my plan by dressing as Dear old Santa Claus!"

"What are you going to do about a sleigh and reindeer?"

Vaati gave the dark shadow a leer and with the use of glue and some horns, Vaati had himself a flying deer. Now all Vaati had to do was give himself some Christmas "cheer."

At a quarter to ten when the moon was high, Vaati prepared a sleigh to fly.

He grabbed some big sacks and load them in stacks. He tied Dark to the front no matter how much he grunt, and then the time had come to take flight through the night and to further mock the town, Vaati let out a cankerous "Ho! Ho! Ho!"

He used his wind to get them in the air and they flew towards the town with wind blowing their hair.

Dark hung from the sleigh by a measly rope, called out to Vaati,

"Why didn't you use something stronger you Dope!"

Santa Vaati ignored Dark's complaints to see that Castle Town was fast coming. The descent was so fast that the sleigh was humming. Dark covered his eyes. If this was the end, he wouldn't waste them with goodbyes.

But much to his pleasure, they landed in snow which meant all they had to do was steal, then they could go.

Santa Vaati jumped from the sleigh and grabbed a sack and the town's Christmas he started to pack.

The Hylians were fast asleep, unaware they were being jacked.

It made Santa Vaati happy to know they would all wake up sappy.

Dark and "Santa" went all through the houses and took everything including crumbs for the mouses.

Only one final home until nothing was left and Santa Vaati could go home triumphant and bereft. As he went down the chimney, stray rocks fell beside him _plink! _ Santa Vaati instantly quieted when he beheld the form of his foes Link.

The blonde-haired hero was fast asleep on the floor underneath the tree. With a frown Santa Vaati thought, _why must he always make things hard for me?_

Link tossed and turned on the floor while Santa Vaati threw decorations at Dark out of the door. The final task was to get rid of the tree, so Santa Vaati carefully took and stuffed it up the chimney.

At the sound of loud cacophonous noise, Link opened his eyes with a hope for new toys.

But instead he got an eye full of old Santa Clause. At first he was glad but instantly knew that something was wrong.

"You aren't Santa! Your hair is too long!"

Vaati was shocked at the voice and turned with a swear.

"You see little boy, it's just a new style to wear."

"That answers that question, but why are you stuffing my tree way up there?"

"Your tree is wonderfully lit, I thought I'd take it to my workshop to sit."

"Santa, you know I like you alright, but what you just told me is undoubtedly a lie."

Santa Vaati grimaced at Link and held up his sack. Link crossed his arms and smiled real smug.

"I dare you "Santa," put the coal on the rug."

Santa Vaati was quite shocked to see himself mocked. What could he do to get out of this spot? He could see now the errors of his dastardly plot.

But he wouldn't give up, this was his night to win, so he approached the hero with his hand in the sack, kicked Link in the shin, and then ran to the door in the back.

He burst through the door sprinting through the deep snow.

"Come on Dark Link! Hurry up! Let's go!"

They ran to the sleigh with Link giving chase. Vaati stoked up the wind and got them in the air with haste.

Link, from below, got a bitter losing taste, but he thought rather quick and blew a strong gale.

It blew the sleigh off course and made it glide towards the river. They would surely collide!

But luck today seemed to be on their side as only a part of the sleigh hit the tide.

Vaati groaned to himself whilst Dark coughed up his guts. No time to sit down. Link would kick their butts!

He approached them slowly with no weapon raised. Their plot left him surprisingly unfazed. Vaati knew he was beat and so accepted his defeat.

"What no hero? Have you come to gloat?" Vaati was downcast and Dark Link riled, but the hero in green said nothing but smiled.

"It's Christmas Eve, almost Christmas Day. Put evil behind you and celebrate our way."

"You're inviting us to spend Christmas with you?"

"No way mutherfucker, I'd rather I eat glue!"

"You both hate Christmas but maybe you'll see, how fun it can be if you celebrate with me."

The villains were confused as why Link was so filled with joy. He had woke up to find them sneaking about and to make matters worse, children would pout.

The river had gotten rid of every decoration and toy and that must be the source of their joy.

But here in front of them stood the hero of the town who knew what happened and didn't even frown. Perhaps gifts didn't make Christmas so great but to spend time with the friends on this winter date. To accept Link's invitation could be fate and the secret to unlocking the gate to season's greeting and good tidings to all.

_What the heck_, they thought, _they had the gall, _but before Vaati and Dark did anything, they used their knowledge of sorcery to decorate the town to ensure no child would frown.

Castle Town looked better than ever, and looking at the lights shimmer in the night, both Dark and Vaati wished a Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!


End file.
